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This year represents a full decade since the phrase “vanishing” hit the public consciousness. Back then, the notion that someone could abruptly cease all contact with a partner without a word seemed like the height of indignity. We were so innocent. In the ten-year span since, finding a significant other has only become more confounding – an frequently fruitless exercise in humiliation that is increasingly defined by online lingo.

Zoomers, a generation who grew up during a loneliness crisis, a masculinity reckoning, and a concerted challenge on the freedoms of females and the queer community, faces a significantly more chaotic terrain than their millennial predecessors could ever imagine. And so their dating lexicon has grown more elaborate and more unhinged, with expressions like “Ogre-ing” and “monkey branching” pushing the boundaries of your mental fortitude.

What follows is a extensive breakdown to the phrases Zoomers is using to talk about romance, sex and the search of both. To channel one of the year’s most enduring online sayings, by the conclusion of this guide you’ll yearn to get back to God’s country – because where that is, it is free from “wokefishing”.

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A

Authenticity – For Zoomers, dating’s ultimate goal is presenting as your real, unvarnished self. You'll need it with that!

The Letter B

Feathered friend test – A TikTok trend loosely based on a methodology developed by relationship scientists, in which you point out something trivial – for example, “A bird flew by earlier” – and note whether your date's reply is inquisitive or dismissive. If they show no desire to hear more about the bird, you two are not compatible.

Black cat girlfriend – Gen Z’s rebuttal to the “quirky fantasy girl” stereotype of the early 2000s – but instead of having baby bangs, liking indie music and avoiding commitment, the black cat girlfriend prioritizes herself while oozing enigma and self-sufficiency. (She could possibly have that fringe.)

C

Support test – This signifies choosing someone who helps you without being asked. If you walked into a room, they would get a seat for you to sit down.

Errand romance – A outing where two people connect while running errands, such as walking the dog or grocery shopping. In other words, how financially strained people in their 20s do affordable dating in a inflation-era world.

Crashing out – Having a breakdown when you feel swamped by life. You can crash out over a crush or split, venting all of your (unrequited) feelings.

The Letter D

Dink – Dual income no kids. Once a marker of 1980s young urban professional affluence, it refers to partners who opt out of having children to prioritize their own well-being. Or because they cannot afford to become parents.

E

Emotional vibe coding – The opposite of playing it cool: practicing dialogue, honesty and vulnerability.

F

Indicators

• Warning signs – Behavioral quirks indicating a potential partner is trouble. Examples include calling their exes crazy, poor gratuity habits, a love of Woody Allen films, a nascent DJ career …
• Positive signs – These traits validate your decision to date a mate. Examples include checking in to make sure you got home safe after a date, minimal phone use, owning a proper bed …
• Beige flags – These usually describe niche, largely benign idiosyncrasies. Such as being an keen birdwatcher, still carrying around a pen in their wallet, paying rent in physical money …

Freak matching – When you find someone who’s just as enthusiastic about films about the second world war or physical media hoarding or collaging or anything it may be, as you. Or, on the flip side, meeting someone who hates the same things or people that you do (few things builds closeness faster than having a common enemy).

G

Geese – A band a typical Zoomer guy likes.

Zombie-ing – Someone who reappears into your life after a period of disappearing.

Loyal boyfriend – Someone who is friendly, eager to please and devoted. The rare partner who is adored by all of his significant other's friends, and a mysterious partner's opposite.

Gooners – A mostly online community of men so fixated with self-pleasure that they attempt marathon sessions, intentionally delaying orgasm so they can persist as long as possible.

H

Pessimistic straight dating – A phenomenon describing many women’s increasing despair toward straight relationships. It will come as little surprise to anyone who read the above entry.

Traditional ideal woman – An archetype touted by online male influencer figures: a woman who is sexually desirable, ever-comforting and happily home-oriented, who seemingly has no goals of her own other than pleasing her man partner. Perhaps now you’re beginning to grasp the whole “heterofatalism” thing better?

The Letter I

Ick factors – Random and often mundane repulsions that immediately kill any sense of interest.

“If he wanted to, he would" – Something to keep in mind after you watch someone else receive an incredibly thoughtful display.

J

Jobs – These have not been this crucial in the dating scene since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “man in finance” is the ultimate catch: a preppy, conservative-leaning guy who will be a provider (there’s a hit TikTok audio on the topic). Meanwhile the anti-capitalist crowd seek out partners in sectors they perceive as being staffed by the more caring among us: nurses, educators or therapists.

K

Making out – This year, scientists learned that the kiss has been around for 16 million years. But the era of locking lips may be waning since some Zoomers desire fewer sex scenes in movies, as they are having reduced intimacy themselves and do not find onscreen romance believable.

Kittenfishing – Catfishing-lite. Or, not exactly being dishonest about who you are, but maybe using outdated (better) pictures of yourself on a online profile, or making your job sound more important than it is. Also known as {